This is the conundrum I frequently find myself in. When I re-started this blog, I told myself I wasn’t going to get caught into algorithmic traps. I was going to write and post things that I wanted to talk about that made me happy and that I found interesting.
But as weeks go on, I find myself refreshing my dashboard looking at numbers, and views and likes and wondering what I can do to get new subscribers. I know I say I do this for myself and for the art of it, but that part of me that needs external validation just won’t shut up some days.
That’s where the trap comes in. Do I write about things I enjoy like spirituality, neuroplasticity or art? Or do I write about trending topics, controversies and hot takes? My best most successful days have been when I wrote about various musical acts. Mainly The Pretty Reckless, when Taylor Momsen herself posted my blog about them on her Instagram. I got hundreds of views that day and a few new subscribers.
Since then, its been much slower. I’m ok with slow growth on most days. On others I’m more impatient and then question my own self worth. Its all kind of a circular mental hell I put myself through for no real reason.
Truth is, unless I figure out trending topics or become a gossip blog, quick virality isn’t sustainable to mantain a blog. Audiences that are drawn to that sort of content are rabid and need to be fed constant red meat. Slow down too much, then YOU become the red meat. Not for me.
Like I know this on an intellectual level, but the temptation is still there to try and do more trendy things. When I tried to write horror books years ago. I got some sales and had a few things break out with some success. But it was because I was writing violent crazy things because I knew it would sell. It wasn’t fun to write or remotely enjoyable, other than kinda fun to see how over the top I could make it. And I wrote some weird as shit.
But within a few years I was pretty burned out. I never made the money I had hoped to make, as the goalposts and algorithms kept moving. So, I was endlessly chasing my tail until I totally flamed out in pretty awful fashion.
Now, having healed from all that, when I started doing art and blogging again, I promised myself this would not be that. I would stick to my guns and create the things I want to create and try to find my audience that way. It may take longer, if they exist at all, but I want to give it a good run.
My latest dilemma is with my poems. I love writing dark poetry much more than I though I would. I enjoy it more than I do writing essays, but I do love creating essays. A poem I feel like I can dump more thoughts and emotion into 300ish words with more force and impact than I can with a longer form essay. They stick with you longer.
I find myself questioning whether or not I should do more poems or essays or which one people will like more or what will get more traction. Its just how my brain works, everything has to be an either/or situation and I can’t just do both as the mood strikes. I think its an autistic trait. That or I’m just loopy. Either way its frustrating to mull over this all the time.
I see some creators asking people what they want to see. I’m not going to do that, because I assume all of you are here because you want to read what I have to say, not what you tell me to say.
So, this is where I’m at. I hope its helpful to someone else out there with their own content creation. I will say I feel way more fullfilled with this blog and my art than I ever did writing horror books. I feel like its therapeautic for me for one, and enlightening to others. That is worth more than any viral trend os dopamine hits.
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