This may be a more morbid essay, so hang on tight. Today my wife and I were talking about funeral things. I’m not sure how we got on the subject, other than we are in our mid-50s and just asking each other what we want done when we pass.
She didn’t really want to discuss death for her for various reasons, which is fair enough. I told her I used to want to be cremated, but not not so much. I now lean more toward a green burial if that is feasible. My understanding of a green burial is that you’re not embalmed. Then you are placed in a special biodegradable box or bag type thing and buried without a casket or vault so that you decompose quickly and in the earth.
Once again, I’m not sure if you need a special cemetery for such a thing or how that even works. One thing I do know is I like cemetaries and always found them beautiful and peaceful. And while I would no longer be occupying my body, I’d like to be placed in a permanent place like that, and not ashes that can be lost or misplaced or something.
Maybe I put too much thought into this. Maybe a green burial is crazy expensive. Many years ago, when I was in my 20s, I worked part time at a funeral home as a director’s assistant. I helped with embalmings, but mostly picked up bodies on location, at morgues or other funeral homes. I helped out with actual funerals, setting up chairs, getting food ready, and lots of other miscellaneous tasks.
Two things that always shocked me was one, the cost of these things. Being born is expensive enought. Dying is about three times more expensive. And this was 20 years ago. I shudder to think what it costs now. When my father in law died, the funeral director was really nice and a decent man who didn’t try to upsell or add crazy things we didn’t need.
When I worked in the funeral business, I saw places that would really do a full court press on people to buy the most expensive casket, or costly add ons. I hope there is a special place in hell for those ghouls.
Back then I had wanted to become a funeral director, but there was no funeral school anywhere near me, I’d have had to move for a few years to complete it which wasn’t feasible. So I ended up not doing it. I’m kind of relieved. As fascinating as the job is, and as much as I’d like to help people during such a time. It would be hard to sell anything to someone grieving for me.
I don’t know what a solution would be, but I just have issues with death being commodified in such a way. People are already grieving and vulnerable, and here you are selling them shit. I get its necessary, but its like weddings. Because its attached to a funeral, it ends up ten times more expensive.
Once again, I don’t know the solution. I understand people have to make a living and get paid. I understand its expensive to embalm and bury or cremate someone. I just wish there were a way to help with some of these costs other than life insurance. I know we don’t currently have any because I’m too old, fat and mentally ill. Any plan we find if they would take me is crazy expensive.
I guess that is just par for the state of the world at the moment. Shit is just crazy expensive for the immediate future.
I wan to talk a minute about my love of cemeteries. I’m not sure where this came from. When I was a teenager with my learner’s permit, my dad would take me driving on Sundays and we’d to go various cemeteries out in the country and he’d show me where different family members were buried. My mom and brother thought this was weird and ghoulish, but I enjoyed it.
To me, the cemeteries were beautiful and peaceful. I could easily just sit quietly in a cemetery and read or take it in. I always felt such a calming energy in those places. Now, being a witch, I’m careful how I tread. I try hard not to step on any acual graves, though in the older areas, that can be harder to do.
I also don’t take anything. Don’t pick up rocks, or sticks or anything I find on the ground. I know some witches who use graveyard dirt for various spells. I don’t work with dirt or plants or anything, so I can’t speak to what uses this may have. But to me taking things from a cemetery is a bit disrepectful and I would be worried about some negative energy being attached to it.
It’s the same reason with when I collect taxidermy, which i haven’t in a while, I never collect any human bones or skin or anything like that. I know people who do, and I’m not trying to judge them. We are all responsible for ourselves. But collecting an animal skull is one thing. A human skull is something completely different.
For one, there is the whole ethical idea of collecting a human skull. There have been a rise in cases lately among oddities groups of people being arrested for stealing human remains from cemeteries or buying them from cadaver labs or funeral homes. It’s just all quite troubling and I think a part of this is that oddities collecting has become more mainstream with social media. So its created a bigger demand and big money so people resort to these awful things.
The idea of an “ethically sourced” remains is usually very old medical specimens. But one could question how ethical that even is. Many old medical specimens were graved robbed remains from slaves, or remains by people of color who sold their family member’s bodies to medical schools because they couldn’t afford to bury them. I get they did it voluntarily but I don’t know that something done out of desperation is really that voluntary.
Either way, when you buy art or oddities made from human remains from someone, you know nothing about the person that belongs to, or what kind of energy is attached to it. It just feels icky to me and I feel there would be too much bad juju. So I personally don’t collect such things.
What I’ve learned about some of the taxidermy I have collected, mostly bugs and one bat, is that a lot of that was likely not ethically sourced. They were likely killed to be sold, I still have the items I have, but now will just collect art instead of any living things remains. I don’t want to know something was killed just so I can hang it on my wall.
I know I veered off my original talk here, but I feel they both apply. I really wouldn’t want my skull turned into a candle holder on some guy’s shelf. I really wouldn’t wan that for any of my loved ones. I’m sure when I started writing this I had a more cohesive thought tying this all together, but here at 4:30am, I’ve kind of forgotten where I was going with this.
In the end, we have to decide at some point what our wishes are when we die. It’s something that will happen to us all, as troubling as it may be to think about. I see it as another part of life. Just a final adventure we plan for before we shed these physical bodies.
But each person needs to decide for themselves how they feel about it and their final wishes. At some point I want to pre-plan my plans so my family isn’t stuck with a huge financial burden at the end. I just hope I can see who shows up for my funeral from beyond the veil.
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