Maybe the title is kind of Clickbaity, but I wanted to get your attention. I’ve read this idea or theory a few times and it always messes with my head. The idea is that many versions of you exist in the minds of people you interact with, or even don’t interact with, and this really hit with me.
Over the years, I’ve been around tons of people in jobs, events and etc. When things went sideways at times, there were people defending me saying how great I was. To others, I was the anti-christ and then there were the people I’d either met in passing or never even spoke to saying what an awful person I was. I think this is another phenomena that probably needs exploring in another post about the need to feel included.
That said, its just a wild thing to think about. There is you, real you, your physical self. You know how you are, you know your thoughts, feelings and likes and dislikes. Yet, anyone you come in contact with only sees a small part of you. Someone catches you on a bad day, they will see the worst part of you.
I’ve run into this when I used to go to a lot of comic cons. There were celebrities some people told me were dicks, yet when I met them they were incredibly kind. Maybe the fan was the dick or made them uncomfortable. Maybe that celebrity was havinga a bad day. Everyone has them and when you meet people for a living, not every interaction is going to be a winner.
Then there are celebrities who really are dicks. I won’t name names, but I’ve heard of more than a few who are complete asshats to anyone who meets them. I guess they do shows for hte money which, hey who doesn’t.
Then there is an interesting case of Cuba Gooding Jr. I never met him and don’t pretend to know how he is. But his son is all grown up and an actor now. He recently said in an interview he was always confused as a kid growing up, that his dad was always so fun and happy at award shows and interviews, but so angry at home with his family.
I’ve heard this about many celebrities. They put on a great public face, and are beloved, but the real version of them that exists is actually horrible and abusive. So, this could be a whole deep dive into psychology if I actually knew what I was talking about. But I just like to explore these concepts.
I think of myself and how people perceive me. I’m a big guy, about 6 Ft. and 350 pounds. I’m pretty happy most of the time, and before I was on medication I guess I was quite loud and I always thought I was goofy and flirty. But apparently to people around me who barely knew me, I was obnoxious, and even scary.
I would always be shocked when I found out someone had a problem with me, as I knew my intentions and what I meant, yet co-workers and others felt intimidated or bullied by me when I was just goofing of and didn’t realize what being loud at my size to a smaller person may seem like.
Once I got into therapy and was diagnosed with bipolar. I got on medication, and now I’m very careful with my interactions and sometimes will even ask people how I come across. When I meet someone the first time, I’ll even explain I’m kind awkward and sometimes too enthusiastic for my own good, so I don’t mean to scare anyone. To my surprise, they usually appreciate the honesty and the communication.
I’m kind of off track of existing in different people’s minds. But I don’t think too far off. For years I thought people saw me as a fun, happy easy going guy, but then found out some co-workers were actually frightened of me because their version of me in their minds was intimindating. Maybe I reminded them of someone awful, or maybe I just had no self awareness.
I admit before I was diagnosed and medicated, I had little to no self-awareness whatsoever. That sounds crazy for a middle aged man, but my brain just didn’t register that way. Looking back now, its all rather embarassing and weird. I’ve even reached out to a few people to apologize for how things went back then. Though they appreciated it, most of the time they had long since moved on so I just left it at that.
It’s weird realizing later in life other people see you differently than you see yourself. Fact is, you have very little control or say in how people see you or feel about you. Especially if its someone you met on a bad day and were mean and now they think you’re awful. They are probably valid in feeling that way if that was their only interaction.
If you are any kind of public figure or content creator this gets mulitplied by like a thousand. People see your art or content without you even knowing who saw what or why and they form a concept of you in their brain. I know artists who create some very dark and disturbing horror themed and mental health themed art, but are incredibly sweet and fun loving people.
A lot of my art is about mental health and mania. I post it and I’ve had many people message me and ask if I’m ok. I have to explain to them I’m just fine, and feel fine, I’m just expressing some things I’ve felt over the years. But to people who don’t know me, I’m some deranged and tortured artist.
It’s all kind of mind bending to think about and at the end of the day what is most important is your perception of yourself. And by all means be kind to everyone around you. Like I said, we all have bad days, but as a whole be kind. Though interestingly enough there are people who will take your kindness as having some kind of ulterior motive. Once again, that is theirs to unpack. Other people’s perception of you, is not your burden to carry, but our own self awareness can shape those perceptions. In the end, we just do the best we can and if we treat everyone right, hopefully that kindness will come back to us in some way.
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