Taking up space is something to which all of us are entitled. Let’s face it, none of us asked to be here. We are all just existing and trying to get by on this rock, taking up space is a part of that. What does that mean? Well, I am not sure myself, but I have some ideas.
As a kid, I was the youngest. It was me and my brother. It was the 80s and despite what you see on Stranger Things, the 80s was not seen by adults at the time as a magical time for childhood. If anything, kids were a pain in everyone’s ass.
Being the youngest, my older brother often told me I was in the way or an annoyance. We were five years apart so our interests and attitudes and growth were much different. When I would bother my mom needing entertained or I was bored or fidgety, I’d often be told I was a pain or a nuisance. My dad and brother would do more grown-up things like go to races and things. I would try to go a take part but would end up bored because I didn’t understand it and be told I was annoying everyone or under their feet or in the way.
That didn’t change as a teenager, just the scope. Pretty much all around our small Indiana town I’d be told how annoying I was. Mind you, I know I was a weird kid. Understanding as an adult I have bipolar disorder and on the autism spectrum it makes sense. Back then people didn’t really understand nor consider anything like that. You were just odd and a pain in everyone’s ass. One of my teachers made a point to say my classmates didn’t laugh with me but were laughing at me because I was a joke.
Looking back, it’s weird how many teachers had beef with kids back then when we were like 15 or 16 and these people are in their 40s. Being in my 50’s now, I can’t imagine having some feud or power struggle with an actual teenager. Just seems so unhinged now to think about it, but it was normal back then for one or more teachers to have it out for you. Our vice principal would gloat over all the different ways he was able to “get you” if you stepped out of line.
I’m getting sidetracked though. The thing is, we are not annoying, or odd or in the way just because we exist or have needs. Some of us have greater needs than others. I didn’t ask to be born, nor did I ask to have mental illness. It was bestowed upon me by the gods that be at birth. I’m just doing my best to deal with it. Just because you have a mental illness and need more care or consideration than someone else may, doesn’t mean you are a hassle, or that the world would be better off without us. If anything, the world is more interesting because of people like us. Imagine how boring it would be if the whole planet was neurotypical.
Yes, we all have our quirks. Yes, when waiting on someone or something we don’t know what to do with ourselves, so we stand around awkwardly. That doesn’t mean we are “in the way” or need to justify our right to be there by finding something to do. We exist, and if we are part of a family or group, we have just as much a right to take up space as anyone else. Don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel different. Though I do feel like I’m in the way sometimes as an adult still. It’s a lot of baggage from childhood and hard to just shake it off when someone makes me feel that way. I tried, but it’s tough.
We can only do the best we can do. For me when I feel that way journaling helps and if nothing else, I may take a Buspar. It may lead to a nap, but it’s whatever to pull me out of that funk. In the end, I’m more upset that someone made me feel that way.
I just want everyone reading this to know, no matter what your condition, disorder or illness you deserve to be here. You matter and you have just as much a right to have your needs met and take up space as anyone else. Someone else’s plight doesn’t take away your right to exist. Don’t ever forget that. If there is one thing you cling to today and stick in your brain housing, let it be that. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel small.
I’m a pretty big guy. I’m 6’0 and 320 pounds. I often feel like I’m in the way or a bull in a China shop, but even as I’m writing this, it feels like an affirmation that I should never shrink myself or let anyone make me feel like I need to be smaller. I’m a big guy with a big personality. Yes, I’m a lot. But people often enjoy certain parts of that personality. But they need to accept the whole person. Not just the parts they find entertaining or comfortable. This is something I’m declaring for myself in this writing. You should do the same. I know lots of big personalities who are great people. Don’t let anyone shrink any of you down. You belong here.
If you enjoyed this blog and want to read more like it without an algorithm dictating what you see, please subscribe below. If you’d like to support me and my hosting costs, consider the pay tier as well!
Sign up for The Artsy Brain
Welcome to My Brain! Take a look around and hang on for the ride!
No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.
Leave a Reply