A poem about the struggles of self-loathing and negative internal monologue
Looking down the barrel of my inner rage
Self loathing stares back at me
You did it again
You fucked it up
There is no fixing it
What do I do? Can I move on?
Can I forget? Why do I bother?
It can’t be undone
Just add t to the list of things wrong with me
It never ends
This isn’t the first time and won’t be the last
My screw ups fill my nightmares
Never to forget
Do I want to?
I deserve the torment
Let it out, internal screams
My eyes are closed, but my mind cries out
No one can hear me
No one cares
It’s just me and my personal void
Internal monologue that never shuts up
Always there, always talking
blah blah blah, yes I know, I fucked up
I’m not sure why my own brain hates me
I try so hard, I work so hard, yet it steps up
To sabotage, to shoot me down
What did I do to my own mind? Why is it so mean?
Fight through it, it’s full of lies.
I press on because I won’t lose
Even if that voice thinks I’m a loser
Or that I’ve forgotten how to win
I will remember, and break through
Each fuck up is a lesson
Each mistake is part of my past
I can’t undo it, only learn and grow
The fight is inside me, and it is constant
A physical fight would be easier
I sometimes punch myself in the face
It doesn’t help, but its what I think I deserve
Punishment I think I’ve earned
Penance for existing
But its dumb
It doesn’t help anything
It only makes visible scars, tiny next to my internal ones
No more
No more self loathing
No more self hate
I have goals and dreams
Only I can stop myself
My own worst enemy is me
And I will overcome myself as I remember how to win
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