Why I won’t go away in my 50’s
I’ll be 53 in December, but I honestly don’t feel like it. I mean, physically I do some days. My body is sore and I have to go to the doctor more frequently, but mentally I feel young. I still like going to concerts and festivals and I wear all black and boots and do crazy things. I’ve had young people tell me I’m cringe, which tells me I’m doing something right. You’ll probably see the word “cringe” a few times in this blog because I think its a dumb word so I like to use it against the naysayers. Plus I tend to repeate things in my head and don’t reazlize it until after the fact.
I remember when my parents were this age, and I think they were more grown up than I am now. For one, they had real jobs and had given up on any kind of dreams they may have had at that point. Dad still wores suits and ties to things like church or out to dinner. I can’t even remember the last time I wore a tie.
When I was in my 20s, I went to a Metallica Concert in San Diego. It was a fun time but wild. That same weekend my parents, then in their 50s went to an Oak Ridge Boys concert. My mom was horrified when I told her at my concert, my shirt got ripped and I had a bloody nose.
Fast foward to 2016, and my wife and I were in our ealry 40s. We went to see Iron Maiden here in San Antonio. The entire crowd was our age or older. I get it, they are an older band and a lot of us grew up with them. Though when we saw Taylor Momsen and The Pretty Reckless in Austin earlier this year, the younger people were on the floor for general admission, but the balcony was all people our age, or people with walkers and wheelchairs. I definitely appreciated the vibe.
Last night I vended my art at an art show with live music playing. The live music was a friend of mine who plays as a one man, The Cramps tribute act, playing guitar and the drums at the same time. One friend of mind from Facebook came by and said hello. She told me later she didn’t stay long because daughter said it was all “old people” at this event, even though I was likely the oldest one there. But people were all in their 30s and 40s at least. But it made me appreciate in 2026 people are more free to be themselves.
As I age, I just refuse to be embarassed. I saw someone say embarassment is the enemy of success. Young people call us “cringe” but I’d rather enjoy life than worry about what other people think. I’ve seen enough people in my age group die young deaths due to unexpected health problems, accidents or mental illness over the last few years, it would be foolish to deny myself any kind of joy because someone I don’t even like may laugh about it.
In fact, I often kick myself for not trying more new things when I was younger out of fear of embarassment. I spent a good part of my adult life doing things I was supposed to do, or things that were expected of me and so forth, that I could have been working on writing and art for all these years, but instead I was working jobs I hate for people I hate. I could have saved myself a lot of misery I suppose.
So now, my fucks are all used up and I am giving myself permission to pursue my dreams, even if I’m already older than most people trying the same things. I give myself permission to enjoy things even if I’m the oldest one there, or to go to the concert, festival or art show. I’ll wear my pork pie hat and black boots and clothes and stroll in with my wooden cane and be a presence to be reckoned with.
I think all of us spend too much of our lives shoving ourselves into theses holes or slots people think we should fit into. Part of why I got made fun of so much as a kid was because I didn’t fit in anywhere. I was always the anomoly. Now, I wish I had just embraced that roll and leaned into it instead of trying to hard to conform and fit in. When I joined the Marines out of high school it was because I thought I needed to belong to something. Only to learn I couldn’t be more of a fish out of water if I’d tried.
After the Marines I worked for the Sheriff’s Department as a corrections officer. I wanted to be a police officer back then, but once again, I never fit in. They wanted automatons who just did as they were told and I was told I was a renegade because I thought for myself and asked questions.
So, it’s time for us older folks to stop being afraid to exist or take up space. Go for the hike, or the concert or the trip to Disney. We’ve all wasted too much of our lives worrying what younger people would think of us, or how we might stand out. Besides, the world already sucks as it is. Prices are high, things are awful and people are being meaner than ever. We all deserve whatever joy we can squeeze out of this existence, even if its just for a few hours at a time. Denying yourself any level of happiness just to appease someone else doesn’t do anything to benefit us, and only makes these assholes louder. Kill them with cringiness and have fun doing it. It is the only way to thrive in 2026.
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